words for the weary

waiting for change

2009-08-21T08:36:00.002-05:00

The girls aren't the only ones ready for the beginning of school.

I am, too. I'm looking forward to a more structured existence, one in which an authority other than me dictates where my children need to be at a certain time. My own attempts at imposing structure this summer have failed miserably. I've taken to saying "Wait until next year," for I'm sure I'll be more successful then.

With 5 more days until school starts, I have run out of the intestinal fortitude needed to mandate reading time, impose limitations on sugary foods, monitor TV viewing, referee fights involving possessions and territorial transgressions, monitor computer use, police room cleanups, guarantee the safety of our cats, attend to mounds of laundry, find novel places to hold essential telephone conversations (the latest is inside my car with the windows closed), and preparing balanced meals.

I am ready for a change. And while I was anticipating spending my free time eating bon-bons, watching soap operas and listening to talk radio, there's an even bigger change looming on the horizon.

It's time for me to return to full-time work.

I'm more excited about this than I could have imagined. After almost 10 years of working mostly out of the house, I'm ready to actually GO to WORK. I'm ready to engage in adult conversations without interruptions. I'm ready to put on my work clothes and get down to business. I'm ready.

Wish me luck.

a fever pitch

2009-08-20T08:38:00.002-05:00

Emotions are running high in the Strzelecki household. We are waiting -- not patiently -- for the first day of school.

With both children experiencing milestone years in their education (one will be in 1st grade; the other, 5th grade), the anticipation began almost immediately after school let out in June. We are now at Defcom 2.

An unprecedented level of frenzy has taken over the place. School supply inventories are checked daily. Closets are reviewed, lunches planned.

On Tuesday, class lists were published district-wide at 4:00pm both online and at the school. At 4:01pm, we were urging our overworked computer along to pull up the site. After an agonizingly long 30 seconds, the fifth grader insisted we view the lists in person.

The news was not good. No familiar names in her class, which is not surprising because the middle school draws from four elementary schools. I understand this, but trying to explain it to her is fruitless. There were no tears, thank goodness, just a considerable amount of whining.

It didn't help that the first grader has several kindergarten classmates in her new class. You've all heard the familiar chorus "That's NOT Fair!!" You might say it's our theme song lately.

In between dodging emotional shrapnel and watching my bank account depleting, I realize that not much has changed. I'm not that much "farther along" than my girls, at least emotionally. I still tend to place unreasonable hope on the future, obsess about my stuff, and find my situation lacking when comparing it to others.

Sure, I'm a responsible adult with tons of helpful advice if only the younger crowd would just listen, but in my heart I can be a whining child wondering if my teacher will like me.

I just hope I bought the right kind of erasers...

the tide of conspicuous consumption

2009-08-14T10:43:00.002-05:00

Yes, the retail landscape is rather bleak: many strip malls have taken on the appearance of ghost towns, car dealerships are shuttered or replaced by independent used car peddlers, big box store parking lots are less than 1/3 full -- even on Saturdays.

Yet the phenomenon really doesn't upset me at all. I do feel for those who have lost their jobs or businesses because of it, and I wish them well. Yet it seems like a small price to pay for Americans to come to their senses.

A few less stores might mean a few less worthless trinkets exchanged as gifts or gathering dust in our houses; a few less new car dealerships might lessen our chronic compulsion to purchase the newest symbol of our "success;" a few less trips to the big box stores help us realize that the 24-pack of deoderant, even if it is on sale, is just something else to store on our already overflowing shelves.

Wishful thinking, perhaps? Is consumerism too ingrained in our culture to overcome? Is frugality simply a fad?

I detect a bit of self-righteousness in the parents who've been quoted lately that they see no need to buy brand-new school supplies for their kids when they can "make do" with supplies laying around the house or (gasp!) use the same backpack Junior used last year. Why is this such a novel idea? Why is it only now "cool to conserve?"

And don't get me started about "consumption" as in the waves of new restaurants that spill onto the landscape. The economy has slowed that tide as well, and I say good riddance. We really don't need a White Castle in our town. No, we really don't.

Goodbye Linen's & Things, Pier One, Baker's Square. We can get along just fine without you. Maybe better.

slippery slope of self-improvement

2009-08-11T16:41:00.002-05:00

God must have laughed heartily when I embarked on yet another quest to become physically fit, be healthy, eat less sugar and stop drinking coffee. All was going well, I was biking and/or walking daily, eating more salads and drinking less colas...

...and then I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies (allegedly for my family) and that was the begining of the downward turn. Of course, failure is always a good excuse, and I've given myself wholeheartedly over to culinary debauchery, despite some feeble attempts to break my slide. Ice cream every other day, two or three diet (sometimes) colas a day, random bite-size pieces of chocolate, and the dreaded McDonald's lunch.

Don't think that fat free creamer in the coffee is making much difference anymore.

I say God must have laughed not because he's sadistic and enjoys seeing me fail. I say that because he (and I) know what usually happens when I embark upon these endeavors to be a "better" person, when I place cosmetic improvements at the top of the list of things to work on. I think he's shaking his head with a wry, knowing smile, yet still loving me.

I'm laughing, too. It all seems so ridiculous, like putting up a tent during a rainstorm or driving through a muddy field after you've washed the car. There's a definite path to good health, and I keep trying to take a detour. It's time to stop kidding myself.

another hill

2009-08-03T06:41:00.002-05:00

I've rediscovered the joy of riding my bicycle!

Sure, it's great exercise, but the exhiliration of speeding along in the open air is really quite addicting. Add the green explosion of this cool mid-summer scenery and the wildlife -- yesterday I saw three deer and a hawk -- and I'm taking rides whenever I can and enjoying every single minute.

Except for the hills.

My aunt Carol, who lives in upstate New York around the northernmost tip of the Appalacian mountains, laughs when I groan about "the hills." For her, it's nothing to turn the corner and face a road vaulting at a 45 degree incline. As for me, I'm still getting used my village's many undulations, and I've lived here nearly 7 years.

The hills in my neighborhood are due partly to some glacier pattern thing and partly to the proximity of the Fox River. In fact, the flatlanders who bought the land for developing probably thought they had found some kind of anomaly, since they name it "Hillhurst."

The hills are one of the reasons why I didn't ride my bike much for exercise over the last 7 years. Too intimidating. Too exhausting. I was too out of shape. Not to mention the kiddie trailer then bike tandem that has been attached to my bike for God knows how long. One looks kind of silly riding solo when the wheels are definitely meant for more than one passenger.

But now I'm learning to love the hills. For one thing, what goes up must come down, if not in the next block, but down the road. The struggle is worth it for a brief but refreshing period of coasting.

The hills provide me with a variety of challenges. Some are exceptionally steep but short, requiring a burst of energy, sometimes with me standing on the pedals and grinding away. Others seem to go on at a steady incline for days, leaving me to feel as if there is not enough oxygen in the world and as if my muscles will simply explode out of my skin before I reach the plateau.

It's the latter hills that get me. I've learn not to fixate on the top of a hill like that, because it always seems like I'm getting nowhere. Instead, I focus on a point about 2 feet or so in front of my bike, only occasionally lifting my eyes. It seems to shift my perspective from how much farther I have to go to how far I've come. It helps me to make necessary adjustments in my breathing, to more carefully space out the downshifting.

Lately I've been contemplating on this method as a metaphor for life. God knows I tend to fixate on a point on the horizon, ignoring what needs to be done in order to get there and obsessing on the celebration when I arrive.

Like right now, for example, as I search for full-time employment. Every position I find provides a temptation to daydream about what life will be like having that job, that money, that commute, those responsibilities, etc. when I really need to be tailoring my resume, writing a cover letter, applying online, etc.

I need to focus 2 feet in front of me, shift judiciously, focus on my breathing, and do what needs to be done. It helps make the journey -- and even the hill -- much more enjoyable.

so hard to trust

2009-07-31T06:25:00.003-05:00

It's inevitable: your child reaches a certain age and decides that Mom is not as powerful, knowledgable or even as funny as he/she once imagined. In fact (as witnessed by said child), sometimes Mom loses things, gets lost herself, and forgets critical items ("Mom, you forgot to buy Kookie Cookie Crumble cereal AGAIN?!!!!").

Let's not even get into the ever-widening gap between what makes Mom laugh and what the child considers humorous.

And this is the time period before the teen years, when Mom loses all credibility. Some kids reach this stage at around 9 or 10; my 6-year-old is already exhibiting the stage-related mannerisms surely learned from listening to her older sister ("Mom, PLEASE don't forget to give me my allowance AGAIN like you did last week!!!") At least she said "please."

One day, the three of us got into an argument about who had their facts straight about what day of the week it was, and I began to get just a little ticked off. I wanted to yell at them I'm the adult here, I think I know what day it is and why can't you just believe me!!!! and stamp my foot to prove my point.

Then it hit me: this is part of who we are as human beings. We think we know it all. And in general, we don't trust that anyone else knows as much as we do.

Even omnipotent, omnipresent, infallible God.

When my 6-year-old queries from the back seat as I drive her to her friend's house: "Mom, do you know where you're going?" I think of my own questions to God: Do you know what you are doing? Do you know where you're taking me?

When my older daughter is nodding and avoiding eye contact during my earnest attempts to take advantage of a "teaching moment," I think of how how quickly I focus on the injustice of a situation and brush off God's attempts to reach out to me.

It's who we are, especially in this country: we automatically mistrust authority, sure that the person in charge really doesn't know what he/she is talking about.

2009-07-30T06:54:00.002-05:00

Today's question: How has God used suffering to wake you up spiritually?

I think the most important word in this question is "used," as in Jesus teaches us that God uses suffering, he does not cause it. If we persist in believing that the trials of life are delivered by God to create teachable moments, then he takes on the image of a sadistic professor intent on our misery.

Even devoted students would be discouraged by a professor who teaches simply for knowledge's sake.

No, our suffering comes from living in a fallen world shaped by the words and deeds of sinners. It comes from the reality of disease, the unavoidability of accidents, the inevitably of death. If we persist in believing that God causes these things to happen, there is no hope. If God doesn't use our suffering for good, then we are simply left with despair.

God loves us too much for that.

So, as for me, how has God used suffering to wake me up spiritually?

He has used physical pain to inspire me to take better care of myself.
He has used tragedy to keep me mindful of my blessings.
He has used struggles in personal relationships to lead me to better myself.

These are just a few points -- I'm sure I can think of more. Especially right now, with stores closing, people unemployed, our health care system up in the air, our international relations tenous, he is teaching me to trust in him.

The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

this side of heaven

2008-04-02T10:30:00.002-05:00

Since my last blog...

I quit my respectable church position to become a freelance writer.
My nine-year-old made the all-stars softball team and started 3rd grade.
I walked the Susan B. Komen 3-day Walk for Breast Cancer research (an experience I will surely write about some day).
My mother-in-law became seriously ill.
Several friends passed away.
We celebrated 16 years of marriage.
My five-year-old developed a penchant for bubble baths.
I sprained my foot and ankle very badly.
We began "refacing" our kitchen.

We observed how contentment can be found no matter the circumstance.

Glad to be back.

the magic pill

2007-03-11T14:42:00.000-05:00

Watching Donald Miller's "Non-Commercial Thoughts on Christianity" yesterday during the breakout session at my church's small group leader training, I was struck again by how completely and utterly Christians buy "the magic pill to ultimate fulfillment" argument. What Miller said: if we think "if I just pray the right way and for the right amount of time and for the right reasons, God will bless me and I will find ultimate fulfillment" we are wrong, wrong, wrong. The prayer is less important than the praying. The prayer is what we say (as pathetic as that might be). Praying is talking to God, advancing and deepening the relationship.

When our church was in the midst of the "40 Days of Purpose" campaign, I nearly experienced a nervous breakdown. I mean, here was this book that was basically telling me I was doing it all wrong, living my life incorrectly, and I'd better shape up and discern God's purpose for me (using, of course, the book) or my life was a complete waste. Where was the grace of God? Certainly, not in that book. Miller cites Matthew 6 (using Eugene Peterson's The Message), where Jesus basically says that this is pure nonsense.

The pill, the formula, the structure -- Miller notes that's all our way of retaining control. If we just take it, do it, or follow it, we'll reach ultimate fulfillment, without any other investment on our part. Not unlike the millions of promises made in the far reaches of the diet industry: if we do thus and such, we'll lose 50 pounds, life will be wonderful, we'll have all sorts of friends, etc. etc.

I agree with Miller: I don't believe it any more.

Christianity commercialized

2007-03-10T09:20:00.000-06:00

I'm leading a breakout session at my church's small group leader conference today. "Leading" is a loose term, because my main function will be to press play and watch the brilliant Donald Miller speak on "non-commerical thoughts on Christianity" with the attendees.

Worst-case scenario, of course, would be that I would have quell a riot. After all, no self-respecting (and often self-righteous) Christian would consider herself a perpetuator of the commercialism of Jesus Christ. And yet, Miller says, that's exactly what we've done, what we do, and what we will continue to do if we don't think carefully about the language we use and the promises we make (not that Scripture makes) if only our non-believing friends would change their minds.

Miller, in essence, says we use the language of our free market economy to translate the Gospel. Commercials, print ads, whatever are based on the process of making the viewer or reader NEED the item being advertised. To do this, the ads convince them that all they need in life is this item, and everything will be better. Perfect, even.

Come on, you say. I'm smarter than that! I don't fall for the promises of advertising! Nobody's that dumb!

Then why do companies spend millions of dollars to send you that message? Someone is believing it!

How many times have well-meaning Christians make glib remarks to the effect of "no Jesus, no life; know Jesus, know life"? That's translating the Gospel through the language of economics. In other words, your life is downright pathetic without this product and if you just purchase it, your life will be complete. If you just accept Jesus in your life, you will have ultimate fulfillment.

Let's be honest. Is that true?

I am who I am

2007-01-20T07:46:00.000-06:00

I am not a joyful Christian. If you want to hang with someone who crows “Praise the Lord” at every happy moment, you’ll have to look elsewhere. I do know people like that—the cynic in me finds their behavior rather unauthentic, but I appreciate their energy.

Don’t get me wrong. I truly believe in and love God wholeheartedly. I remain forever grateful that He sent Jesus along so I would have the opportunity to live forever in heaven. I know that God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit lives in me to help me do good things and make the world a better place.
But I’m not cut out to be a cheerleader. Besides not having swingy hair and killer legs, I’m not capable of sustaining a sunny smile when in the face of difficulty. I can’t clap my hands and jump into splits when the odds are against me. (Not that I could do the splits anyway.)

Now, I know that God helps me through tough times – he has a proven track record of doing so – it’s just that my reaction to adversity is to grit my teeth, duck my head, and shoulder my way through it. And once I’ve made it through hard times, you won’t find me dancing in the streets, but gathering strength to face the next onslaught of darkness.

The writer of Psalm 95 encourages us to raise the roof: Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation (Psalm 95:1). Although I can carry a tune, I am a lot more comfortable with quiet praise and prayer in solitude. For me to shout “Hallelujah!” on a street corner—or even write flowery discourse on God’s goodness—would be inauthentic. It’s not who I am. And that’s okay. Like the true craftsman that He is, God has created each one of us a unique being with our own ways of doing things. 1 Corinthians 12:4 says There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. I understand that it’s okay for me to be praising God in the quiet of the morning while I’m still in my pajamas instead of wearing a microskirt and waving pom pons in front of a roaring crowd. I am who I am.

Having said that, in closing I want to share with you the words of a woman proclaiming the Good News in the face of adversity. A friend has been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, and she has accepted the responsibility of keeping friends and family updated with regards to treatment and progress. Not only does she do that task faithfully, she extols us to keep our faith in the midst of trials. She is a consummate cheerleader, sans Lycra. She is using a gift that she didn’t even know she had, because God called her to do it. Like that quote from 1 Corinthians above tells us: “There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.” She writes:

We are standing up to a situation that at times may seem hopeless yet we are trusting in something bigger than medicine and statistics. We have a God that made the world. His hands formed every piece of dust on it. When I begin to feel overwhelmed by this, I need to remember that God doesn't work the odds. He holds the universe in his palm. We are individually part of a much bigger plan. The little things we individually do each and every day to serve God add together with all other believers to build a world that makes a difference. God loves us enough to let us serve Him- to feel His presence on Earth. When I am feeling truly at peace, I believe that is God giving me a very very small taste of Heaven. That is the opportunity we have before us, my friends. He calls us to simply love another. That's all. Love. We are loving each other, supporting each other and praying for each other. We are sending a strong, clear message. We are making Satan a raging lunatic because we are turning to God in times of trial. We are running like we have never run before. We are yelling "BRING IT ON!!" We will get through this trial, and all trials, because we have love on our side. Love that came in the form of a tiny baby oh so long ago. We have blessings poured on our heads, and it will not stop anytime soon. Keep up the great work, and know that you are a blessing!

Amen, sister. Amen, reader. Know that you are a blessing as well.

“See, I Am Doing A New Thing!” (Isaiah 43:19)

2007-01-09T21:55:00.000-06:00

Does the prospect of another new year excite you? Do you feel like you are awash with possibilities or inundated with problems?

Your perspective might hinge on how you view New Year’s resolutions. Our family’s New Year’s Day dinner always includes going around the table to make public our resolutions. Some are typical (“I’m going to lose 20 pounds”), unusual (“I’m going to learn karate”), and sweet (“I’m going to help my baby sister learn how to read”). Some I’ve heard for the last 5 years (“I’m going to clean out the garage”). To tell the truth, I can’t recall my resolution from last year – or anyone else’s.

To me, more than making a change for the better, a new year offers a welcome return to “normalcy” after the hectic holiday season. Sure, the Christmas decorations need to be take down and—sometimes—there’s snow to shovel, but January has always been a sort of hilltop experience for me. I actually made it through another year.

I know it’s not that way for everyone. Ringing in the New Year means we turn yet another corner into the unknown or uncertain future. It often is a stark reminder of how fast the years are going and how fleeting our lives really are. And, if we focus on all the resolutions we haven’t kept or we should be making, it can be a real downer.

Life coaches and advice columnists alike seem to think if we just write our resolutions down and keep them in a safe place to return to and reflect on throughout the year, we’ll have better luck in keeping them.

You know, that doesn’t work for me. More often than not, I forget to refer and reflect—then I feel guilty when I do find that piece of paper or that journal page with the “new rules” of life. And what do I do as a result of that guilt: I rebel by ditching the list or rationalizing why I didn’t follow up.

That didn’t work with the Law of the Old Testament, either. What did God find out after he gave the 10 Commandments to Moses? People didn’t breathe a sigh of relief that they had a set of rules to follow and a list of expectations to fall back on. No, they pretty much rebelled against all of the commandments or looked for loopholes. Make something off limits, and the more appeal it has.

Now, I’m not saying that resolutions are worthless and goals are bad—just our mindsets. So much is made of these new changes that we can forget how far we have come and the positive changes we’ve already made. And sometimes the idea of making the change is so daunting that we just give up on ourselves.

God didn’t give up on us. He realized that it was impossible for us to completely follow codes of behavior. He realized that the Law was not bringing human beings closer to Him; in fact, they had created a wall of separation. And He loved us so much that he found a better way. And that way was His Son Jesus.
Second Corinthians 5:17 reads “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” Only Jesus has the power to change us; we can’t do it alone.

The apostle Paul writes in the seventh chapter of Romans that the Spirit of God is let loose in our hearts: “Now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.”

Any positive change that is in line with God’s plan for your life is a matter of letting go of your self-condemnation and letting in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. No matter who you are, no matter what you’ve done: that is one resolution that anyone can keep.

it's not over

2006-12-28T08:19:00.000-06:00

If you had any doubt, the eradication of Christmas displays and the arrival of Valentine's Day product in your favorite retail outlet will help you understand that Christmas is, in fact, over. The speed with which this happens still amazes me. It seemed like a switch was flipped. We're on to the next thing--and it's not even New Year's yet!
My older daughter looked around the house yesterday and asked "Mom, is it okay that we still have the Christmas stuff up?"
Of course it's okay.I want my family to relish Christmas for a bit longer. I want to enjoy Christmas for a while. The lights look brighter and the colors look richer when they aren't viewed through the lens of panic, pressure, and obligation.
The celebration doesn't have to end, either. No matter the day or the season, we can marvel at the wonder of God coming to earth in the form a of little baby. Imagine: the God who loved us enough to share in our worldly challenges and remove any obstacle he could in order to love us and live with us forever.
We don't need lights and tinsel and evergreen garland, really. The miracle of that little baby's birth decorates our lives every day.

ashamed

2006-11-17T09:50:00.000-06:00

Why do we get angry at our kids? Usually it's because they are not listening to us. Or they are listening to us but they aren't doing what we want them to do...or don't want them to do, as the case may be.

Then there's what my mom always called "sassy-mouth" or "backtalk," the snide remarks that reveal a disdain for parental authority.

And then there's "the look." The "oh-brother-there-she-goes-again-nag-nag" look. It says it all.
There's always that final something pushes any parent over the edge. Kids will do that! But sometimes we allow emotion to transcend reason and we lash out at this little offenders. Sometimes we say and do things we later regret.

I had one of those moments today. Since she has very little understanding of the clock and how it relates to certain events like departure, my four-year-old was engaging in her morning ritual of dilly-dallying. And the eight-year-old is freaking out because she thinks she's going to be late to school. And I had had enough. And so I engaged in, shall we say, inappropriate behavior. I won't get into specifics, but it's enough to say that I am usually counseling the girls not to use such actions to solve problems.

Psalm 4:4 and Ephesians 4:26 presents some simple advice to us in these situations. "In your anger, do not sin." It doesn't say "Feeling anger is sinful" or "being angry is wrong." It's what we do with that anger.

But sometimes the root cause of anger is steeped in uglieness. When I think now about what made me so angry about this morning's situation, I am ashamed. I wanted to be listened to, and I was angry that no one was listening to me. I wanted my child to do what I was asking, because I am in charge. I didn't want to be late for my volunteer work at the school because I didn't want the teacher to think I was a slacker. I was being dissed and I didn't like it. Who did that kid think she was?

Who do I think I am?

Who do you think you are?

I am a sinner and you are too. We really don't deserve special treatment, no matter who we are or what we've accomplished or how important our work is. That is the simple truth. At the end of the day, nothing elevates me over any other human being, even our own children. And that's were the anger comes in, right? That apparent disregard for our feelings, our authority, our whatever. We are faced with that simple truth. And it hurts.

But so does shame. And Lord knows I am ashamed of my behavior. I asked both girls for forgiveness, which they gave readily. "I love you, mommy!" said the four-year-old. "I need a Kleenex," said the eight-year-old.

Next time you are angry, ask yourself why. And get beyond the easy answers. Examine yourself and your expectations, and you probably find the answers in the ugliness of your own sin. That hurts, it does. But God is ready to forgive you. No matter who you are, no matter what you've done. That is the simple truth. He is ready to tell you how much He loves you.

a big stink

2006-11-08T11:12:00.000-06:00

What does a skunk do when it feels threatened? It lets loose with a horrendously offensive spray from its posterior that can scare away grizzly bears, cause temporary blindness in other predators and nauseate humans. It's worth noting that skunks can spray with high accuracy up to 7 to 10 feet. Just another reason to keep your distance. You might not even be thinking about making the skunk your dinner -- the threat might not be justified -- and you get a face full of noxious chemicals anyway.
Last night we had close (enough) personal experience with such a stinky polecat outside of the house. I actually thought it was a natural gas leak, but then my husband opened the door and we knew the truth. Although we didn't see it, we certainly knew it was there and had been disturbed (even with doors and windows closed). The little guy was ticked off and letting the world experience his pungent displeasure. Because I muse about such things, last night's incident made me think about raising a stink in general.
What do you do when you've been dissed? Say someone you live with left his dirty clothes on the floor, another driver cut you off on the tollway, or your manager gave someone else the coveted assignment.
Do these folks know who you are? You are much more important than a maid.
Does that driver understand where you need to be in the next 10 minutes? You certainly deserve the right of way more than she does.
Does your manager know who he is dealing with? He's obviously overlooking your talent.
So you find some way to show your displeasure. You might raise a little stink and bawl out the offending housemate for his obvious inconsideration. You might make the univeral driver hand signal to convey your displeasure to the driving school dropout. A lesser person than you might think ill of the manager; worse yet, might share opinions about the manager's abilities in a less than favorable light. And the odor grows. The strong odor of judgment. Once uttered or even thought, it is hard to come clean. It permeates clothing, seeps in the skin. And what do we gain from allegedly defending ourserlves as we pass judgment?
Not much, according to the New Testament book of Romans. The second chapter begins:

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on
someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance? (Romans 2:1-4).

We are rarely justified in our judgment of others, mostly because we're just plain wrong. We think we know the whole story, but we don't; worse yet, we act on the story we think we know. The housemate may have been very ill when he left the clothes on the floor. The offending driver could be on her way to the hospital hoping she'll make it there before her husband dies. The manager was looking for a certain skill that, admit it, you just don't have. You and I have a very limited understanding of what's going on with our own lives, much less someone else's.

In light of this, I'll leave you with another passage that rings true and smells better than any knee-jerk reaction. Remember, the word speak can be interchanged with think and act in this case.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen,slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (James 1:19-20).

Too much for me to handle

2006-11-06T11:29:00.000-06:00

Ever feel like the world is crashing down around you? You might not be touched personally by tragedy (meaning yourself or your immediate family) but sadness is all around you. From your friend’s friend’s husband being killed by an armed robber to a friend losing a baby to another friend being diagnosed with cancer to a neighbor dying from cancer….I could go on, I suppose. No longer are overwhelming tragedies relegated to soap operas—they are part of our everyday lives.

Could this be my age? I’m over 40 now, which logically would expose me to more illness and age-related issues among friends and relatives. But I’m not sure that’s it. I’ve run into plenty of extraordinarily random tragedies that have nothing to do with age. I wonder if the cultural movement to encourage people to talk openly about their crises, to be real with their anguish has led to this overwhelming sense of global personal suffering.

The flip side of this openness is that it’s almost as if you need some sort of tragic circumstances to be able to enter into a conversation. And if you haven’t suffered in some way you are one of the uninitiated few. The sufferers look upon you with an odd combination of disdain and pity. “Poor slob,” they murmur. “Just wait until tragedy strikes for her. She’ll have her day of suffering just like the rest of us. We’ll see if she can handle it.”

And along with the sense of guilt you might feel at being “untouched,” you wonder if, indeed, you will be able to handle tragedy when it comes. You might begin to greet each day with a sense of foreboding, as if this is the day when IT happens. The crisis of your life. The other shoe drops, your fortune turns, and time runs out on the parking meter. You peer around corners, squint into the shadows, and generally flush any enjoyment from where you are due to the overwhelming fear of where you’ll be.

In the New Testament Book of Matthew, Jesus says …do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:34). I find this a curious statement coming from a man who did know what would happen tomorrow (and would be righteous in his fear). But we can’t begin to guess what will happen in the future, so all the defenses, the strategies, and the coping mechanisms we devise for dealing with tomorrow’s tragedies take us away from today’s very real struggles…and very real victories and joys.

So, how to deal with uncertainty? How to not let worry consume us? Though I might not agree with his plans, his timing, and his outcomes, I have made a choice to trust in God. What other choice to I have? What other choice do you have?

Jesus himself is calling you to make that choice, as shown in the account of Mary and Martha in the New Testament book of Luke. (Keep in mind that worry is relative here – one person can handle the worry that consumes someone else.) Martha is freaking out at her preparations for a dinner party and that her sister is chatting away with Jesus. Martha indignantly approaches Jesus, full of righteous anger at the inequity of it all, when Jesus answers quietly and lovingly: “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Understand that I’m not talking about blind faith, I’m talking about trust. No matter what, the friendship, love, and wisdom of Jesus and the Holy Spirit within us cannot be taken away from us. We will worry, yes, but let us choose what is better.

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:57.

satisfaction

2006-10-17T09:11:00.000-05:00

What does it take for you to feel a sense of accomplishment? What does it take to make that feeling last?

We're so geared to check things off our list and move on, aren't we? There's no such thing as "resting on our laurels." There's no glory in savoring the moment. If you take a break to relish a personal victory, you're not to be taken seriously. Put out a Number 1 hit, and the critics are already anticipating your next CD. Write a bestseller, and the hum begins about the next book. Get the corner office and most people think you should get ready to set your sights on something better.

Not that I'm familiar with these accomplishments, but I've seen the trend in my life as well. Get married and friends and family will ask you "So, when are you going to have a baby?" Have a baby and people are already asking "So, when are you going to have another baby?"

Is it possible to be satisfied with your situation when every indication is that the world is passing you by? I think so. When satisfaction is no longer a byproduct of how well we're keeping up with the rest of the world. When we look at what we're doing and seek to do it the best we can instead of moving on to something else. When we really appreciate where we are, what we've done, and who we're with.

The Old Testament story of King Solomon shows a man who is both grateful for and content in his circumstances, not eager to move onto something else, but to do the best he can in his situation. He is described in 2 Chronicles as "established...firmly over his kingdom, for the Lord his God was with him and made him exceedingly great." Solomon has the respect of commanders and heads of families alike and he rules over "a people who are as numerous as the dust of the earth."

So what does he ask for? More territory? Another exciting assignment? More money?

Not at all. Solomon's only request is that God gives him the smarts to do what he's already doing.

"Now, Lord God, let your promise to my father David be confirmed, for you have made me king over a people who are as numerous as the dust of the earth. Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?" 2 Chronicles 1:9-10.

It might be considered countercultural to refrain from looking to the next event, project, accomplishment, milestone, whatever. I'm asking you to fight against a pretty strong current, but wouldn't it be nice to find satisfaction--however momentary--in where God has placed us?

The chorus of Linkin Park's A Place for My Head echo this simple wish for the weary:

I'm sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest.

what's next?

2006-10-11T20:55:00.000-05:00

"What are we doing tomorrow, Mommy?" My oldest daughter asks me this question nearly every night. It's one of many questions asked as we are flirting with the dangerous topic of bedtime, but it's the only question that really sets my teeth on edge.

I don't want to think about tomorrow yet. I'm not finished with today: it's only 8:00pm and I still have dishes and laundry to do, phone calls to make, emails to answer.

I also dread the question because she will then want to negotiate tomorrow's activities right then and there, instinctively knowing that I don't have the intestinal fortitude at that time of night to argue. I will agree to almost anything. And she doesn't forget anything.

Next day after school, it's "You said last night we could go to Target after school! You said!" I did? I guess I did.

Some parenting experts say that preparing children for the next activity or event in their day helps smooth out the transition process. I think perhaps I overdid it, wanting to prepare my firstborn adequately. "Okay, honey, after we eat lunch we're going to read books then take a nap, okay? Now eat your sandwich." After a while it became apparent that she didn't engage in nearly any activity wholeheartedly without anticipating the next one. We'd be 5 minutes into a favorite TV show and she'd say "when this is over, I'm going to watch the next show."

I know, I know, part of this is an age phase, part of it is just being a kid. But part of it is the human desire to be in control of our future, planning out every minute so we are prepared, not surprised. We desire the proverbial crystal ball. We guess at outcomes. We anticipate. We hope.

Reading from the Old Testament book Ecclesiastes, you see that the writer speaks to the pursuit of hopes and expectations as "meaningless." Read through the pessimistic renderings ("Everything is meaningless!" "This, too, is meaningless, a chasing after the wind!" "Everything to come is meaningless!") and you wonder if the writer is simply working through a deep depression. Yet the writer is not saying life is meaningless because we can't control it. He comes out of this pit of despair to share the affirmation that life without God is meaningless.

Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to
find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of
life God has given him—for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any
man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and
be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of
his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.
Ecclesiastes 5:18-20, NIV.

I wish that for my daughter, to be "occupied with gladness of heart" and accept her lot and enjoy her days instead of looking longingly into the future. Jesus wishes that for me, and you as well.

it's not always about money

2006-10-10T13:43:00.000-05:00

I get tired of thinking about money, don't you? It seems like we can't do anything without going back to...money. Want to lose weight? Need money for that...the health club costs money, healthy food will be more expensive and if I'm going to exercise I may as well look good doing it so there's a good $300 blown on apparel and shoes at Sports Authority (not to mention the IPOD I'm going to need while excercising so I don't get bored).

Want to get a better job? Well, you'll likely need to get that advanced degree, which means tuition and books, not to mention the requisite Starbucks grande that all graduate students bring with them to class to show that they are not only forced to draw most of their sustenence from caffeine-laced beverages but that they are in vogue as well.

Thinking about having children? Those little bundles of joy ain't free...there's the ordinary costs of diapers and well-baby care, but that's just the beginning. The nursey must be outfitted properly (hello Pottery Barn Kids catalogue) and we must prepare them adequately for life by getting on the waiting list for the both the right preschool (at $380/month) and the right soccer team.

I can think of other steps in life that take cold hard cash to fulfill, can't you? Some take less money than others. And really, if we think about it clearly, the money required depends on the kind of impression we want to make (i.e., won't people take us more seriously if we look like we're invested in the process?).

What about becoming a Christian? You might say there's monetary traps there as well. If I'm going to take that step, I need to buy the "right" accoutrements: the Bible that's currently in fashion, the church membership through my monetary support, the right clothes to wear to service, the right books to read, etc. etc. Right?

Let's leave the monetary factor out of this equation. Your experience with organized Christianity may lead you to believe that it's all about cash, but it's not. Following Jesus is not: buying/reading the right books + giving the right amount of money to the church = a ticket to heaven. It's not: giving money to a Christian charity + buying Christian music = deeper spirituality.

Jesus wants your heart. He loves you for who you are, not what you do, who you know or what you buy. He saved you despite of your shortcomings.

For Jesus, it's not about the money: your love, your life, is priceless.

sibling squabbles

2006-10-07T11:41:00.000-05:00

I was an only child, so parenting has taught me a lot. One of the things I've learned is that my two girls have a reasonable amount of sibling rivalry. They don't spend every waking moment fighting, just some moments. Now I understand that's not unusual. But their squabbles still grate on my nerves and sometimes their childish cruelty ("you babyface!" "I'm not your sister anymore!") cuts me to the heart. More than 30 minutes of bantering just wears me out!

But I can say that I've never experienced more joy than watching them play peacefully, work cooperatively, and treat each other fairly. I wish it could be like that all the time, not just for my nerves but for their own happiness.

In this way I get a small glimpse of God's desire for his people around the world. Imagine His pleasure when a peace treaty is signed, when friends reconcile, when people unite for a common cause. Psalm 133 begins "How good and pleasant it is when brothers live to gether in unity!" The desire for this peace has been placed on our hearts also.

In the New Testament, Jesus warns us of the alternative: "But I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgement! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the high council. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell!" (Matthew 5:22)

Inevitably, the squabbles move into the plaintive realm ("she hit me first!" "she's not nice!"). I'm trying to teach my daughters to concentrate on what they are doing, not what their sister is doing. Kind of like the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be peaceful. Cooperate. Treat people fairly.

The world would be a different place if all of us did so.

DJS

joining the fray

2006-10-06T23:35:00.000-05:00

So what does one say upon joining the ranks of bloggers? Here I am? Welcome to my blog?

It's probably best to focus on why I am here.

Here's what I hope to accomplish: provide an antidote for weltschmerz. A fancy word for mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state (thanks Webster's).

Many of us suffer from this ailment. The phrase "that's not fair" comes from a longing to be somewhere where justice is served. Where bad things don't happen to good people. Where honesty is the norm.

I don't think I'm the only one overwhelmed by the natural disasters, scandals, excesses, and tragedies that make their way into our lives via TV, Internet, radio, conversations. It's exhausting. Sometimes it feels hopeless. It's enough to wear you out. We can be weary of this world. Sometimes we long for a better place.

I believe God places this longing in our hearts because he does have something in mind for us. Something better. He has a place for us in his Kingdom. In the New Testament book of Revelation, the apostle John speaks of a vision where he heard someone saying," Look, the home of God is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will remove all of their sorrows, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. For the old world and its evils are gone forever." (Revelation 21:3-4).

Sounds wonderful doesn't it?

So that's the purpose of this blog. Jesus tells us in Matthew 10:7 to "Go and announce to them that the Kingdom of Heaven is near." That's what I aim to do.

But I don't want you to think I am offering some sort of apocalyptic prediction. I want to help you and all the other world-weary souls discover hope for the journey...in God's Word.

DJS